Lately I have been trough alot. Once more I had to believe in my inner strengh, believe in the lessons that I have been tought in Kriya Yoga since my early youth.
My journey in life have been amazing and thinking about what one lost child could survived under circumstances that few would survive. Without knowing why, I decided to do so from an early age in life.. Survive!
As once a lost child, did I struggled through life and there was some ekstentielle things I simply couldn’t understand or could believe. One Of them was – The value of the human. It seemed and felt like everything were more worthy than the human self, it seemed that material achievements are the weight and value of how much one can love or show respect.
Maybe it’s because of my start in life, maybe it’s because I have felt things, you don’t want to imagine, maybe it’s because I have experienced things from the age of 3 that no one should go through.
My mother left me on a bench, with the words, which I still can hear her say: Wait here, I come back.. She didn’t!
At age 4, survived the life in the streets in Korea, as a colored child. Maybe it’s because I was almost found dead.. but I survived and came to an orphanage in Korea.
Maybe it’s because I was adopted to Denmark and didn’t live up to my new parents’ expectations, and was send away to another orphanage, now in Denmark. This is in the 70’ies, and I was left once again to myself, just in a new country where I couldn’t understand or speak the language. Once more I was adopted.. I left that home the age of 14, and moved alone to Copenhagen, and where I’ve been ever since!
The practical things was easy, going to school, finding a job.. All the things to create a home and adapt to society. But something was missing.. Living and the meaning of it, I had a lot to learn about heeling and life. I didn’t turn to Kriya Yoga, it literally found me, on the sidewalk downtown Copenhagen.
And this is here my life began, at 15 years old.
Kriya Yoga Pranayama, Hinduism and the real world, Samsara.
Kriya Yoga is all about consciousness, heeling oneself and others in words and in actions. It’s about believing in your own good and your spirit as one divine action in form of consciousness. It’s about breathing and be in your own existence, without letting reality out. That’s what we call samsara..
One thing I had to learn was that I was a human, and not the peaceful life with Kriya. I could forget on and of through the years, that not everybody lived with the same mindset or lifestyle as myself. I got hurt over and over again, and the more I learned about people, I began to mistrust people more and their intention when they approached me.
I saw myself get angry, mad and almost evil at times, I saw “faces” of myself that I couldn’t believe that I had in me.. After all these years with Kriya Yoga, I knew that I have reached that level of clear consiusness, where I could place my energy in different places just trough my state of mind. I saw myself being human and I saw myself react, in a way that was not balanced and in a way that somehow scared me.
I talked to my swami and what he told me scared me even more..
He said: This is great, now you are going to show yourself that you can master your inner balance. Let go!!
Welcome your fear..
Let go.. That was one of my first lessons in Kriya Yoga.. Let go and breath! The lesson that is never forgotten if you want to be able to master the technic of meditating.
Let go, he said.. Use what you have learned, don’t be scared! Be in your pain, it’s the place you need to be in, you need to let go, let go so you feel your pain, your anger, your frustration. Let go and accept your anger so you can see and feel the pain clearly. You have to see it, you have to see what is hurting you and where you are bleeding, first then will you understand why you are bleeding. Let go and welcome your fear.
And so I did!
In my searching of finding my bleeding points, one thing especially made me cry, this was an absolute bleeding point!
As a lost child I struggled through life and couldn’t understand or believe that almost everything seemed more worthy than the human self, instead what the human achieved. That kind of love showed me and gave me things to prove otherwise, or at least give it an honest try.
It seems that there are so many restrictions, just to love and practice the blessing of giving!
Sometimes it feels like, that there is more receivers, than givers, and the receivers only receive.. And to top it of, a receiver can actually get mad at you, if they don’t feel what are given to them is not enough.. Without shame in their souls..
Another thing I always will remember and a thing that is definitely hard for me to understand and cope with, is how people treat each other.
How can one lie, without a blink with the eyes?!
Why people assume, if I don’t hear anything from a person, this person is screwing me, instead of being worried and think if something is wrong, is this person hurting?
How can you love one day and hate the next?
Why is it that hard to forgive.. Not saying it, but actually do it?
Why do people say they do, but in their actions they say: I can’t!!
Why is it people are searching for soul heeling, and readong soul qoutes of Buddha or heard about Shiva. Visiting Goa and suddenly they have found their own inner peace, on the beach and worst of all – preaching about their new Buddha life of one love, just to forget it and be betrayed so oneself won’t get hurt! And that’s also a lie, because both you and I know, that one who is hurting are hurting badly themselves..
Why is it, if you are a believer and believe, practiced the ancient mantras with a daily mindset that believe, is less truthful, than the human who found their soul or spirit on a beach in India, overnight.. What is that, a kind of an illusion?
It took me almost 3 decades to learn these lessons, in the “world” of Samsara and could first learn it fulfilled when I was ready.
I had to let go.. Of me! I had to be in that place of chaos where I had to make up with myself. I had to be in that state of mind, to gain one of the big pieces which are developing, the soul that fully believe and trust even the untrustful, in the actions around me and be in the state of consciousness that are needed.
I was ready when 2 people that I trusted and loved died, when my son became a teenager, when I started to outlive my dream and organize Peepers Denmark and drained myself in a way I had never felt before. When I got sick and survived, When I had an abortion and I lost my child and went into a depression that I denied for months, when my relationship shattered like fragile glass, between us.. I was ready then to let go, to loose myself, trust myself, to confront myself. I was ready to take my next existential step in my consciousness and I was ready for soul healing.
Got lost, only to find home!
To find out that losing one self is actually exactly the feelings you feel, when you are lost. I had to go to the place that I feared the most.. Getting lost! That’s how my life started that day, on that bench in Korea, and a place I never would go again.. Getting lost!
I thought finding peace with my past and accept the pain was enough.. It rarely isn’t.. And be true to that and be true to oneself is painful beyond the pain you are feeling.
To Stand naked and fragile in my own weakness and loss of strength, just to start my most dangerous journey in my life.. The path of pain, sadness and fear, without getting lost!
That’s why I have been absent the last months and why I’m now reaching out to you. I had to regain my strength, go back to my “roots” and practice the meditation of Kriya.
I’m still here and I’m are back. Not on fulltime, I will do some other things too, that are very most related to peepers Concept. Peepers will be back in a new form, with same core values.
Thank you for your trust, patience and love!
A little about Kriya Yoga and how it “Works”
You need to direct your mind to think of nothing but your soul, and then concentrate on each exhalation and inhalation.
Through The spiritual evolution, one becomes free from the torture of passion, anger and greed.
The principles of Kriya Yoga, are not the formula of a sectarian rite, but a science through the application of which the individual may realize how his soul descended into the body and became identified with the senses, and how that soul may be withdrawn from the senses and reunited with Spirit by a scientific method of meditation. This route of descent and ascension is the one universal path that every soul must travel.
A devotee’s life in Kriya is never all roses and honey. For many latent desires of the past remain buried in the spinal region ready to spring forth when conditions are right. These tendencies must be burned in the “fire” of meditation. The condition which is revolved around the spine while practicing Kriya is so intense that it literally bakes the seeds of karma. So if you practice Kriya regularly, and with ever-increasing devotion, you will reach the goal in the end.